Real Life Situation

Why do children sometimes develop sexist behaviors?

Who would believe that a 4-year-old child can develop sexist stereotypes? Unfortunately, as soon as a child realizes that there are differences between boys and girls and that certain behaviors are assigned to one gender or the other, even a 4-year-old child can start stereotyping. Beyond the obvious physical differences between boys and girls (for instance, a girl has a vulva and a boy has a penis), girls usually braid their hair, wear dresses and put red lipstick on while young boys simply don't behave like this. Similarly, children discover that boys pee standing up and wear swimming trunks while little girls have to wear either one-piece bathing suits or bikinis with their tops on. Through these behaviors, children naturally believe that certain social norms are assigned to a child's gender, norms that distinguish boys from girls. What children don't realize though is that behaviors are culturally determined and differ from one society to another; for instance, in Africa, men wear dresses! Such cultural distinctions are perfectly healthy and contribute to a child's sexual identification.

But this is different when cultural distinctions become too restrictive or when a child starts developing gender role stereotypes. And this can happen by a simple generalization of a child's observations: for instance, suppose a child only sees men driving trucks; she naturally deduces that only men can actually drive trucks; or when she hears her father say that boys don't play with dolls or her mother say that girls don't play football, again, she will naturally believe that these activities can only be performed by either a boy or a girl. At this young age, children learn a lot by imitating behaviors and they do understand the concept of gender; however they don't have the ability to determine whether or not these gender-related behaviors are justified.

At this age, children have a narrow vision of things. Therefore, assigning behaviors to one gender or the other, suits them perfectly. Many will be very assertive: "Only girls do this, only boys do that!". Others will play some of their games with boys only: for instance, when they play knights in shining armour or war games. Boys that will show interest in girls' toys like dolls for instance, will be perceived negatively by their playmates.

These social and behavioral norms adopted by most young children put a lot of pressure on those who don't fit in. Limited in their choices by their gender, these children will nonetheless try to fit in. Some will seek acceptance by ignoring what they like (e.g., a boy would choose not to play with dolls even though he likes them). Others will choose to speak out: "I have the right to…!", or simply change their behaviors (e.g., a young boy would pull his hair up into pony tails only when he's home as he knows everybody would laugh at him if he did so at the day care center). To encourage a child to become the fullest person possible, it is essential for her to acutely know that boys and girls have many options in their lives, and that's O.K.

Tips for Parents

How can you raise your child to be non-sexist?