Four-year-old Jimmy goes to the movies for the first time and blurts out : “Look how big the truck is! Why does this man do that?”. Throughout the presentation, Jimmy keeps talking and asking questions which makes his parents uncomfortable and upsets the spectators. At the end of the movie, Jimmy is sad because he got admonished by a spectator for talking too much.

Real Life Situation

Why it is so hard for children to keep quiet?

Keeping quiet is hard for any 4-year-old child! Just go and visit a movie theatre filled with children of that age and you’ll see how hard it is: most of them will stand up and comment the movie or ask questions about how it’s made. For children, keeping quiet is not only challenging when they go to a movie, but also when they play hide-and-seek or when they read a book at the library.

At 4-years-old, children are spontaneous and express themselves without thinking about the consequences. But consequences there are: for instance, a child may have missed a crucial moment of a movie, or get caught when playing hide-and-seek or be admonished by the librarian for not being quiet or upset the other children because she keeps talking. Conflicts may even arise among children of different ages and may lead to the expulsion of the younger children from a movie theatre for instance.

Being confronted to these consequences, a 4-year-old child soon realizes that being quiet is a condition for being accepted by her peers during certain activities (e.g., the library) or for the others’ success (e.g., when playing hide-and-seek). Being aware of these consequences motivates the child to develop this skill, but the greatest motivation comes from the benefits she gets from remaining quiet. For instance, if she is good at playing hide-and-seek because she can keep quiet, then she’ll be thrilled by the result and see the immediate benefits of behaving like this.

Parents are therefore encouraged to help their child remain quiet if they want her to succeed in playing certain games and in adjusting to different situations where silence is required.

Tips for Parents

How can you help your child develop his ability to remain quiet?

• Adopt good habits and be consistent
  If you wish your child to remain quiet in certain places like at the library or movie theatre, you need to make her aware of the need of being quiet as soon as she is introduced to these places and each time, she gets carried away, just remind her of the importance of keeping quiet.
  


• Give her a few tips to help her keep quiet
  You can give her a few tips like teaching her to whisper and give her a picture to help her visualize the process (e.g., “close your mouth as if it has a zipper”) or show her other ways she can use to express herself in silence (e.g., doing signs). These little tips could be introduced to her as a game you would like to play with her.
  


• Use non-verbal language
  Rather than constantly saying “shh”, you can familiarize your child with a few nonverbal signals that would invite her to remain silent like when you put your hand on her shoulder, or when you touch her softly or when you wink at her. These little signs could be interpreted as part of a secret code that only you and she use when you want her to be silent. This way will also ensure she won’t be embarrassed by being admonished by you in the presence of others.

• Understand that if your child fails to keep quiet, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to!
  Rather than reprimanding your child, simply acknowledge that it might not be easy for her to remain quiet. Your patience and support will help her develop this skill.
  

Back to Themes