Cornemuse | Using an object that belongs to an adult as a toy

You’ve been looking for your credit card for a while. Finally, you found it, cut and glued to the craft Mathilde just made… You get angry and Mathilde gets upset: she had put a lot of efforts to give you this shiny bird…

Real Life Situation

Why do children use all kinds of items as toys?

For a 4-year-old, any ordinary item may look like a potential toy. Be it utensils, jewels, money or clothes, a child will perceive and transform these items into something else that she will spontaneously use in her play. Motivated by her desire to play, the child will look into your kitchen drawers or your wardrobe hoping to find accessories that will fit the play and characters she has created.

However, this creative urge can sometimes bring unpleasant surprises to the child as she is likely to underestimate the value an adult gives to these items. For a child, the value of an item is often related to how she saw it used by an adult. For instance, if a parent once accepted to lend the child a necklace from her jewel box, chances are the child will perceive all the jewels in the box as potential toys (unless the parent specifically said that this jewel is the only one she is allowed to play with). The same logic applies to these “useless” keys that parents give to children, or printed sheets that can be used as drawing sheets, credit cards that are expired. Convinced that these items have no or little value since they were given to her by her parents, she won’t see why she should ask her parent whether or not she can play with them; as a result of this, sooner or later, she will have to cope with her parent’s displeasure.

Without any proper explanation, a child will not understand why her parent is angry; instead, she will feel like her parent doesn’t love her anymore or that he is annoyed by her play activities. The child may then withdraw into herself, lose interest in her play activities or stop using ordinary items in her games. On the other hand, if a parent gives a clear explanation, the child will learn to respect the belongings of others and still be interested in her play.

Although some parents may be annoyed by the way their children play with ordinary items, it also gives the child the opportunity to develop skills that can’t be developed by playing with conventional toys. For instance, ordinary items stimulates the development of the child’s creative skills; later at school, these skills will help her find solutions to a problem and to imagine a story.

Tips for Parents

How can you help your child identify items she can use as toys?

Help your child understand the value you give to some of your items
Gently tell your child why the item she played with or lost, was so important to you. For instance, you could explain to her that without your keys, you can’t use your car, or that the forms she used to draw, were important for your work and that you will probably be reprimanded for no longer having them. This will give your child the opportunity to understand the consequences of her actions and she won’t do it again. Also, she will adopt your behavior as a model whenever her friends damage one of her own personal items.

Teach your child to respect the items that don’t belong to her
When your child plays with some of your personal items, tell her that these belong to you and before taking them, she must ask for your permission. If you implement this rule right from the start, and apply it for any of your items, even those that are of lesser importance, your child will learn to ask for your permission every time. This way, you will avoid handling situations where your child played with an item of great importance to you, without your permission.

Show how you appreciate her desire to play
Your child has turned your watch into a crown for her favorite doll… While you put the crown on her doll’s head, you can tell her that though crafting a crown was a good idea, she shouldn’t have taken your watch to make it. This way, your child’s creativity and desire to play will be preserved and she will also learn to respect others’ belongings.

Give your child items she can play with
Rather than getting rid of some of your old items, give them to your child so she can play with them. By doing so, soon a whole toy box will be filled with items you don’t care if they are lost or damaged. This box could also be filled with ordinary household items such as old empty plastic bottles, magazines, kitchen utensils, woollen threads, keys, etc.

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