You need to jot down a phone number and you write it on the sheet your son used to make a draw that looked like just any of his other daily drawings. When he finds out you wrote on his drawing, he bursts into tears; this is the drawing he wanted to give to his grand-father! You suggest to draw another one but nothing can comfort him.

Real Life Situation

Why is a child so sad when he finds out one of his creations has been damaged or destroyed?

A 4-year-old child does lots of creative activities everyday! Be it with pencils, paper, play dough or construction blocks, a child creates a whole world of characters, objects and stories. And the full extent of their importance only lies in the eyes of the child: what may look like meaningless scribbles or a drawing similar to some many others to an adult may in fact be the drawing of a beautiful monster creature to your child. It is not surprising to see parents throw away drawings that just happen to be there, or decide to use them as notepads to write their grocery list, or collect all the play dough creations that sit on the window ledge to mix them with the rest of the dough.

When confronted to these behaviors, the child doesn't feel respected; he feels angry and hurt by the fact nobody understands how important his creations have for him. To him, it is as if his space had been violated: "They take my drawings and use them as they want without asking me!" Although sometimes these creations may only be the result of some play activities that weren't so important to him (for instance, the child uses a full page to draw only a line or two and then, forgets about it and moves on to something else), sometimes they also result from a lot of efforts that builds a strong attachment of the child to his creations. Most of the time, these are the creations the child would love to give to his parents and see posted on the refrigerator!

For a child, his creations are somehow an extension of himself, the demonstration of his current abilities. He perceived the way his creations are treated as how he is treated himself. Seeing the drawing he was so proud of, end up in the bin, the child may interpret this as meaning he is not appreciated. On the other hand, if the child doesn't like his creation, then he will be very uncomfortable if his parent insists on posting it or showing it to others. What really matters to a child is to see his parents check with him first before disposing of any of his creative crafts.

Tips for Parents

How to react if you have destroyed, damaged or threw away "creations" that were important to your child?

• Apologize
  If you throw away his crafts, creations or use his drawings as notepads, apologize to your child and tell him you shouldn't have touched them. Apologizing to your child will also model an appropriate behavior and demonstrate how important it is to respect the belongings of others.
  


• Acknowledge the pain and anger of your child
  When your child is angry or sad because you have destroyed or damaged one of his creations, it is important to acknowledge your child's disappointment and the extent of his attachment to it. Tell him you understand how much this craft or drawing was important to him.
  


• Help your child find a solution
  Once you've acknowledge his feelings, help him find a solution to replace the lost creation. It is important to acknowledge your child's sadness or anger before you tell him: "just do another one…". Once the child feels he is understood, he will be open to the idea that his creation can be replaced indeed. You can help him through this realization process by suggesting ideas or by making crafts with him if he wants to.
  


• Find with him ways to protect his creations
  To avoid these annoying situations, suggest to your child to store his valuable creations in a box, in a place of his choice or encourage him to inform you of the objects he wants to keep intact. This precaution will also enable the child to protect himself from accidental damages caused by his little brother or sister.
  


• Praise the creations of your child
  Your child needs to know you appreciate his creations. Praising his drawings or his ideas contribute significantly to the development of your child's self-esteem. Your positive attitude toward his creations gives him a sense of competence and pride. You can praise his creations by posting them on the refrigerator or by showing them to your home guests.



• Respect the value your child gives to his creations
  Be attentive to your child so you can recognize the creations he cares for. Try not to denigrate the creations he is proud of even if in your opinion, they don't have anything special; show him instead how much you appreciate what he does.

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