As he stirs it, Julien inadvertently splashes some of his liquid gouache on his sister’s face. Seeing the expression on her daughter’s face, Julien’s mother bursts out laughing. To make her laugh again, Julien splashes more gouache droplets on his sister’s face only this time, his mother reprimands him right away. Julien is disappointed.

Real Life Situation

Why can it be so hard yet so easy for a child to make people laugh?

When a 4-year-old child makes people laugh, most of the time, it is because she did something clumsy or had a spontaneous reaction that created that effect on people. In some cases, the child may be disappointed or even offended to hear them laugh; this is true when her clumsiness causes her some discomfort (e.g., she falls off the sleigh and her face is full of snow) or if she feels people laugh at her (e.g., when she stumbles over her words). In many other cases; however, the child will react positively. Hearing other people’s laugh will make her proud, she will take the credit for her success (e.g., “I am funny, I make people laugh”) and she will be tempted to do it again to recreate the same effect on people.

However, it may be challenging for children of that age to clearly identify what actually makes people laugh. They may then be inclined to repeat their gestures, insist on elements that are not so “funny” and fail to obtain the result they were looking for (e.g., when Julien thought that splashing his sister’s face with paint was what made his mother laugh when in reality, the fun part was the face her sister made when she got paint on the tip of her nose!). Others will perfectly understand what makes people laugh but often, they are inclined to repeat it so many times that it reduces the comic effect or simply annoys people (e.g., a child gets a funny sound when she opens the door and does it again and again; what was fun initially quickly becomes annoying).

In such cases, the child will be disappointed and puzzled at the same time: from being the one who made her parent laugh, she is now the one who annoys him. She may then believe her parent wants to limit her pleasure unfairly as according to her understanding, a funny gesture should always be funny when repeated. As she tends to only focus on her own pleasure, hence fails to pay attention to how people feel (“Does my sister still have fun? Does she still laugh?”), she doesn’t understand why a gesture that was once funny, is now annoying. To clearly understand what makes people laugh, children need to be guided by their parents (e.g., “this was funny because it came as a surprise to everyone; but it is no longer funny because people now expect it”). A parent has therefore an important role to play to help his child remain as funny as she’d like to be.

Tips for Parents

How can you help your child understand what makes people laugh?

• Explain to your child what makes people laugh
  You will help your child understand what is funny. For instance, tell her that what’s funny is the surprise effect.
  


• Explain to your child why it is no longer funny
  Children tend to repeat the gestures that made people laugh. It is important for your child to understand why in most cases, her gesture or behavior will no longer be funny if she does it again. Tell her that this is because people now expect it; this is no longer surprising. In other cases, your child will need your help to understand that some gestures are not funny because they are annoying or inappropriate. You will therefore have to help your child be attentive to how the people around her respond to her gestures. This will help her develop empathy and an ability to distinguish between gestures that make people laugh and gestures that make them angry.
  


• Laugh only when it’s funny
  If you laugh when your child does things that are not funny, you do not help her develop her sense of humor. Similarly, if you laugh at something your child clearly doesn’t find funny, you give her the impression that it is O.K. to laugh at someone who is hurt or sad. In this case, acknowledge her discomfort (e.g., “Getting snow on your face isn’t fun; it is cold and it hurts”).
  


• Help your child learn how to make people laugh
  You can help your child develop her sense of humor and be funny. You can help her imagine a trick, anticipate the reaction it may create and help her do it!
  

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