Theme	We're moving...
	Category	Relationships with the environment (house)

Real Life Situation

Why moving is sometimes difficult for a young child?

For a young child, moving is an experience that is more than anything else, filled with her parents’ emotions. If it makes her parents happy (e.g., because they will have a bigger house, or live in a better neighborhood), then she will also view the experience positively because this is how it is conveyed to her by her parents (e.g., “you will have your own bedroom, there will be a park nearby…”). On the other hand, if it turns out to be a stressful experience for her parents (e.g., they are being evicted from their house or looking for a smaller house they can afford, or moving because of a separation), she will look at it negatively because of all the resentment and worry it causes her parents.

The way the parents feel about the move will determine how the child talks about it (e.g., “it’s great; we’re going to have a new house” or “it’s sad; we need to move”) as she can hardly imagine such an adventure by herself. She will only be able to fully understand what moving really means when she actually lives the experience.

She then understands that moving is a major change. She sees her close environment vanishing and being packed in boxes. “Where are all these boxes going? Will I find them?” are all questions she will ask. Some children will refuse to move (e.g., “I don’t want to move”) or they will want to open the boxes and take toys or clothes that are special to them. This experience can be destabilizing for a child as her sense of security is mainly built on the stability of her environment. For those whose parents separate, it is when the moving process begins that they start realizing the full meaning of “getting separated”. She sees her parents splitting the household items; she also sees her personal items being put in two sets of boxes, one for her mommy’s house and the other, for her dad’s.

After the move, the child may find it hard to feel like home in the new house; as all is so different… even little details (e.g., the door doesn’t open the same way, objects are put in different places…). After the move, the child’s routines are often disrupted or even changed (e.g., “mommy doesn’t pick me up from daycare at the same time, we don’t go to the same park, the books of the stories she used to tell me at night are still unpacked…” The child may react differently to the move (e.g., she will be glued to her parent or wake up frequently at night…). These reactions are normal and they will only go away once the child feels secure again. The parent has therefore a vital role to play in helping his child adjust to this major change.

Tips for Parents

How can you help your child feel better about moving?

• Talk about it.
  You can reassure your child by explaining why the objects are put in boxes; tell her about the new house or about the things that will be different or remain the same. If possible, take her to the new house before the move and show her the neighborhood (park, library, school, daycare center); this can help your child better visualize the change that’s coming.
  


• Maintain the routines.
  The first weeks after the move are often filled with activities that disturb your daily family life (e.g., unpacking, painting or renovating). With young children, it is recommended to maintain your daily routines as much as possible (meals, bed, bath routines, etc.), even when during the hectic days of the move.
  


• Recreate a play environment for your child.
  Play is an important part of your child’s life and it contributes to her sense of security. Her adaptation to her new house will be easier if she can find her toys, her blanket and a place to play.
  


• Recreate a warm and secure environment for your child.
  When the move takes place in the context of a parental separation, it is recommended to split the child’s items equally between the two parents; so whether she is at her mommy’s house or her daddy’s house, she will feel home just the same.
  


• Understand she might be more worried.
  Your child used to be autonomous and independent. But since you’ve moved, she is literally glued to you, jumps at every sound and wakes up at night all the time. These reactions are normal and will go away as soon as she feels secure in her new house. Be attentive to her reactions and help your child feel secure by reassuring her. You can help her by lowering your expectations. For instance, if she doesn’t want to sleep alone, let her sleep with you or a sibling or with a night light. You can also talk about her worries by being with her at specific times during the day like during the afternoon snack or before going to bed.
  


• Be reassuring.
  Tell her how confident you are about the move and the fun you’ll all have in the new house. Don’t let your feelings show, be it your insecurity, your resentment or your dissatisfactions.
  
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  Keep in touch with your old neighborhood if possible.
  Take your child back to your old house from time to time or go play in the park you used to go together; this will help her feel better about the new house and feel home more quickly.
  
  
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