Theme	Back to daycare!
	Category	Relationships with the environment (time and schedules)

Real Life Situation

Why is it so hard sometimes to pick up your child from daycare?

First of all, pick-up time marks a transition for the child, an inevitable phase to leave what constitutes her immediate joy and security (her caregiver, her friends) to reconnect with her parents.

For some children, this transition is difficult because it confronts them to the separation process. Anxious, they find it hard to let their parents go when they drop them off in the morning at daycare, and to reconnect with them later when they pick them up. This contradicting behavior may seem surprising but actually, it has to do with the separation process: when their parents come to pick them up, they feel like once again, they have to go through this process. For these children, refusing to leave daycare is a way to express their frustrations toward the situation.

Others will find this moment difficult because they do not handle their frustrations very well. Leaving daycare often means that they have to stop an activity and therefore, miss the rest of it. Even though most daycare centers ensure that activities held at the end of the day can be easily interrupted, some children hardly accept to be stopped from doing something even if it only means to stop swinging for instance.

Leaving daycare also means that the child has to dress to go out. Even though it doesn’t seem important to an adult, it is different for the child as she sees it as another task she needs to accomplish; given her lack of dexterity, it requires a lot of effort from her and becomes really annoying as she must repeat it several times during the day. It is therefore no surprise that sometimes children are not quite excited about it or simply refuse to do it.

Tiredness is also an important element. At the end of the day, children are more tired and may become impatient toward certain things they would normally do without any problems. One must not forget that a day at daycare requires the child to live in a group many hours in a row.

A child that can hardly handle these transitions, cannot really tell what makes her uncomfortable either; she may feel helpless if nobody acknowledges the problems she faces. She needs to be helped by her caregiver and her parents to get a grasp of what is happening to her and to better live these transitions.

Tips for Parents

How can you help your child live the transition better between home and daycare?

• Let your child get used to the idea of leaving daycare.
  When possible, be at the daycare center 5 to 15 minutes before pick-up time. If your child sees you, she will realize that she will have to leave soon but she won’t feel rushed. She will have enough time to finish the game she’s playing or solve the puzzle she was doing before you arrived.
  


• Take time to connect with your child before leaving daycare.
  Before asking your child to get dressed, take some time to ask her about her day, look at the crafts she made and show her how glad you are to be back with her (hug her or speak to her softly).
  


• Lower your expectations momentarily.
  At the end of the day, children are always more tired and irritable: they are hungry, they need rest and quiet. Therefore, it is not the right time to be demanding. When your child is tired, help her put her toys away or get dressed even though you know she is able to do it herself.
  


• Help your child find ways to dissipate her frustrations.
  You can help your child by encouraging her to express her frustrations and by acknowledging them (e.g., “I know it makes you angry to stop drawing to go back home” or “it is hard to wait when we’re hungry”). With her, you can also try to find ways to lower her frustrations e.g., by letting her bring home the craft she was making so she can finish it, or by telling her about all the interesting things she’ll do at home.
  


• Be predictable when helping your child anticipate your arrival.
  It is easier for your child to develop a transition routine if you drop her off and pick her up at the same time each day. This way, she will start anticipating your arrival. When you drop her off in the morning, you can also tell her who will pick her up at the end of the day and when e.g., after her nap, the afternoon snack, or when the short hand points to 5 and the long hand points to 12, etc. You can also ask the caregiver to tell your child when the time to go approaches.
  


• Be patient.
  If your child doesn’t want to go home, be patient. Do not get angry. You can acknowledge her feelings and tell your child you will wait for her in the lobby. The caregiver can assist you by accompanying your child to you.
  


• Make it easier for your child to live the transition.
  In the morning, most children spontaneously want to take certain objects with them to daycare. These transitional objects like a blanket or a teddy bear secure your child and help her live the transition from home to daycare more easily. It is important to let your child take these objects with her and not see this behavior as a whim.